I’ve been man down this past week with some virus that most probably hitched a ride home with one of the girls. Obviously I’ve had loads of time for reflection as I sprint too and from the loo, wait to take my meds and lie awake at night shivering and sweating with fevers. I wish I could say that this was a random occurrence but its the second bout I’ve had this past year. I’m so busy trying to be the perfect mom and wife that I have neglected myself really badly
I can honestly not remember the last time I had a proper meal (at least while the kids are around). I usually end up eating the Tomboy’s leftovers. By the time I am finished wrestling the kids through the bath and into the bed I’m so bone weary that I snarf down some junk food, just to keep my eyes open. Don’t even get me started on my ‘beauty regime”! Most nights I’m so tired that I cannot remember where my face is, let alone how to cleanse, tone and moisturize.
I’ve decided to de-clutter my life and let go of the guilt. Guilt about not being super skinny and fit and not being the perfect wife and hostess (I would rather play with the kids than clean). I am also going to stop trying to control things I have no control over. I cannot control other people’s reactions to me, I cannot expect things to always turn out the way I want them too. I also have to let go of my mom guilt, I love being a working mom, I love my job, I love interacting with patients and the challenges that brings. I refuse to feel guilty for wanting to stimulate my brain! So what if my kids go to school and after care? They are surrounded by friends and teachers who love and care for them almost as much as I do. They are happy at school! I know it sounds like I am trying to convince myself and maybe I am.
So now what? Hopefully remembering to put myself first will help me become a better mom, wife and person. I am going to play a little more, stress a little less. Bake some cookies with the kids and have a picnic in the playroom and leave the dishes till later. Have long, relaxing bubble baths and leave the Husbeast to look after the kiddlets. Take the kids and dogs to the beach and not stress about how I look in my bikini, instead I will throw caution to the wind and just have fun with my family.
And I realised, it’s the guilt that makes you fat, not the calories.