I havent liked social media for a while now. It all seems so fake and contrived, full of posts about “fun people”doing “fun things”. And do not even get me started about all the clickbait articles being mindlessly shared. Cures for cancer, get-rich-quick-schemes, scammy weight loss products, political propaganda…the list just goes on and on.
So about a month ago I was browsing Facebook and I came across a photo of myself in a friend’s feed. It was a horrible photo, I looked like a potato. The friend didn’t tag me in it either, so I if I hadn’t been mindlessly scrolling I most probably wouldn’t even have seen it. Of course, the Husbeast didn’t understand why I was upset, he looked amazing in the photo! What upset me was that I hadn’t been asked if I wanted my picture taken, I was told to “smile”and that was it. I don’t like being in photo’s, they make me uncomfortable. I really dont like it when people pressure me into posing for pictures. This was a double-whammy.
So I deactivated my account. And I feel amazing. I don’t have to read people’s racist, sexist, and homophobic rants. Im no longer exposed to super negative clickbait “articles” The one downside is that I’ve lost contact with some friends. I never noticed how much of our interaction had been over Facebook, once I pulled the plug on Facebook I killed our friendships as well.
It is super irritating to have to justify to people why I’m not on Facebook anymore. It’s amazing how we rely on an app to connect with our loved ones. And how much of what we know about the world we learn from our newsfeed’s. So now I have to connect the old fashioned way, actually reach out to people and make conversation. And that’s a good thing, I think
I hate New Year’s. The well wishes for a prosperous New Year, the celebrating, and the resolutions. All of it. It depresses the crap out of me. The year starts out so bright and shiny, and then I fall back into old habits and negative thought patterns on Jan 2. Nothing ever changes. Except for Jan 2018.
This year is different. I’m staring a new job on 2 Feb. I’ve left my comfort zone. I’ve been with the same company since 2003, I started out as a student and just never left. So it is a huge step for me. I have had a few sleepless nights, wondering if leaving is a mistake. I don’t like change. I really don’t like being in situations where I can’t control my environment. I prefer knowing what is going to happen so that I can practise my reactions before the time (I really don’t like surprises!).
So my one and only resolution this year is to embrace change. Even if I don’t like it.
So today I noticed that some shops already have their Christmas merchandise out. Seriously? It’s not even November yet! Not that I’m complaining, I love Christmas. All of Christmas, the family get togethers, carols, decorations, selecting gifts for family members…. I celebrate right up to the 25th of December, then I’m over it. I obsess over packing my decorations away and turn into a real Scrooge. I don’t want to hear a carol or see a decoration. It’s done till next year November.
It’s my turn to host Christmas this year, so (of course) we are having a Star Wars Christmas. I’ve been googling and pinning ideas all year so the kids have gotten pretty excited to dress up. KJ really loves dressing up so she’s been nagging me to get her costume ready. I told her that there is one character that reminds me of her. So of course she’s super excited to be dressing up as Jar Jar Binks for Christmas lunch.
We’re watching episode 1 tomorrow. I don’t know how excited she’s going to be after we finish all the episodes….
The past year has taught me that sometimes it’s better to walk away. Just throwing my hands up in the air and taking a time out is better for my mental health.
My main goal for 2017 was to be more mindful. To think about what I’m doing, saying, eating, and thinking before I commit to it. No more foot in mouth syndrome for me!! Yeah…… that didn’t go so well. I tried my hardest to remember that taking care of me should be a priority in my life. Instead I overcommitted, under delivered, and generally made myself feel like a terrible person. As a mom, it’s so easy to constantly forget to take care of myself. I still do enough to survive, but it’s not healthy. Instead of experiencing major spiritual growth and living a perfectly healthy life with my perfect Husbeast and kids, I’m running around like a headless chicken trying to survive.
So I’m walking away from all the unnecessary drama in my life. No more stressing about things I can’t control. No obsessing about calories, dirty dishes, and muddy paw prints on the kitchen floor. Just being in the moment with the Husbeast and the girlies.
Some days are made for conquering the world. The day dawns bright and shiny and new and is made for getting up and winning at life. Today was not that day. Actually, this hasn’t been that week.
Ever had one of “those days”, when no matter how hard you try, it feels like you are slowly drowning? Yeah, I’m barely treading water here. There isn’t something specific that has caused this feeling, it’s the impression that I’m getting close to a lot of deadlines that has created my panic. And they aren’t specific/actual deadlines, it’s the inevitable rushing towards the end of the year, the social obligations, school functions, family gatherings, and the impression that I should have achieved something by now. I’m not quite sure what I’m supposed to have achieved but it feels like I should have done something more with this year. Like I have been given the time and just wasted it.
So instead of freaking out about what I have/haven’t done, I have gone to bed. I changed into my pj’s and snuggled under the duvet with a book and checked out for a while. No thoughts, no panic, no frantic rushing around.
Tomorrow I’ll put my big girl panties on and seize the day.
There are very few “bad words” in our house, I’m sorry to say that most of those words pollute my own vocabulary. But we do have 2 “bad sentences” that should never be uttered. The first is “I don’t care”. Nothing irritates me more that getting “I don’t care” as an answer, especially when I know that you do care about what we are having for supper. It doesn’t matter what the question is, “I don’t care” is not an appropriate answer. And if you are very brave and use the forbidden sentence, you better not care about the results.
The second forbidden phrase is “I’m sorry Mommy”. My kids love using “I’m sorry Mommy” in a sing-song voice whenever they have been naughty. The reason I’ve forbidden that particular phrase is that my kids usually aren’t sorry at all. they repeat the phrase so often that it has lost all meaning. they are so used to my temper that they completely ignore me when i am upset with them. I get a “sorry mom” and they continue on their merry way. It is superbly frustrating that they listen to other people but not to me. *sigh* it’s even more frustrating that this is often used as proof that I’m a “bad mother” and that i have no control over my children. there are set rules and boundaries in our house, the kids know and respect that, there are also a lot of things that are not important in the grand scheme of things (like tidy bedrooms). It’s usually the not-important-things that produce an “I’m sorry Mommy”, so my kids know that they will most likely just get moaned at and not receive any other form of punishments.
As much as it annoys me, I realise that I will be adding more “forbidden phrases” to the list. After all, pushing boundaries and annoying your parents are a normal part of growing up.